An Imaginary Appendix (an homage to Anne Carson's Autobiography of Red)
i
There is something about me, Geryon thinks, that makes me disappear.
—
His thoughts are desperately pedaling back and forth across his headscape.
The school building is behind
him, doors an open wound, every student a blood cell but only Geryon is
red. In class, the markers
were spread out evenly and somehow every time the box was passed around
it was handed over Geryon’s
head to the student behind him, the student before careful of Geryon’s wings.
Avoiding something without
registering it as real is a conundrum next to time in Geryon’s mind.
Geryon wrote in a notebook
while everyone else drew pictures of their favorite mountains in colored markers
Geryon’s mountain was
written into being with the stub of a charcoal pencil and snubbed out
by the rain. The school is still
bleeding, and Geryon sits on the steps and thinks and around him
the blood flows.
i3
In empty soulspaces abandonment is the ultimate gravity.
—
He waited in the old warehouse by the docks until the moon died.
They were supposed to
meet Geryon there, they had asked him to take photographs of them on the water.
The instant before drowning,
one of them asked him to capture. He thought of a drowned fly and agreed,
wound up cold and lonely
overnight on the inside of an inventory. There was a period in Geryon’s life
when he stayed away
from everybody, and kept himself locked in his room once his brother moved out
and nobody came
to check on him because they figured that locking the door meant leave me alone.
He waited days then,
and like a defeated general descended and had breakfast in the wee hours of morn
and wept into the empty fruit bowl
and drowned a fly in his tears. With his head in the fruit bowl the house emptied
around him and then he went empty, too.
i5
The worst of being imaginary is having once been real.
—
Geryon stayed in Hades and watched Herakles forget him from the next chair over.
Somewhere in the allotment
of skin and flesh someone remembered Geryon but too late and there were only
feathers left to give
him, and there was only red. In between stints of painting Geryon wrote in his book
with the stub of a charcoal pencil
and sketched out photographs in dark smudgy grey. Somewhere at the back:
an attempted self-portrait.
It was in charcoal but through the lines you could still make out the implicit red.
Herakles’ grandmother stopped
putting out a chair for Geryon to sit in a few days after Geryon wrote down
some photograph of a family.
Geryon withdrew from Hades in red-winged obscurity. He called Herakles
from the bus depot.
He picked up and in sun-yellow voice asked who it was and Geryon said so and
Herakles’ voice scrunched up,
and Geryon could see his confused face on the other end of the line as he sputtered
back into sangfroid
Yes, right. Geryon. How’ve you been? Geryon hung up the phone and remembered
he left his book there.
He decided to do as Herakles did and forget himself. He never liked that portrait
he drew anyway.
i7
There wasn’t a monster named Geryon.
—
That was just a story that Geryon told himself as he tried to remember what being
remembered is about.
Around Geryon, seconds gang up into minutes and coalesce into hours and weeks
and they ignore him, the sun
passing over Geryon’s head like a carton full of golden colored markers, carefully
avoiding getting tangled in his wings.
Geryon steps forward, reaching his arms out trying to catch time in his fingers
and move forward, anchor
himself in the momentum of the world, dig in his heels and let time drag his life
a furrow into reality.
Herakles finds Geryon’s book and recognizes the portrait in the back but throws
away the book anyway.
The wheels of Geryon’s thoughts spiral down the storm drain and out of mind.
Geryon was written into being
with a stub of a charcoal pencil and snubbed out by rain and around him the world
still moves as he stills.
Geryon empties like a house from memory, words slipping off the pages into
the volcano’s maw of forgetting.
[Here there is the outline of a shape drawn in shaky red marker but the substance
of it is melted.]